I found out I lost a friend today.
Honestly, he had been lost to me for some time. In the way that the people we grow up with float in and out of our lives.
He had survived a rough childhood, nothing – unfortunately – out of the ordinary. An alcoholic absentee father and an overworked mother. An older sister with her own issues who wasn’t able to be there for him. He was a bright guy, smarter than average; he finished high school a semester early but didn’t think college was for him. He never even applied.
He wanted to serve his country; he wanted to be in the Coast Guard.
He never pursued that dream.
He wanted to have a good job that would allow him to be the type of father his never was.
He did work at a job which paid well but left him feeling unfulfilled, but a baby daughter who filled his heart with joy.
He was the type of friend who could be relied on in any situation. You needed a shoulder to cry on, he would listen. You needed to rant and rave about the injustices of the world, he’d join in and eventually make you laugh it away. You wanted to have a drink and play some pool, he was always game. He loved spending time with groups and was able to sit one on one and make you feel noticed.
I look back now and wonder what would make the boy that I knew turn into a man who would end his own life.
I do not know.
We love you Kev, and we’ll miss you. And we’ll remember the sad boy with the big heart and the man who never outran his demons.