We Should All Be Feminists (CBR8 #78)

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Raise your hand if you have been called a feminist as a derisive term.

Raise your hand if you have ever had to explain to someone that feminism is, in fact, not the hatred of men or the wishing to take something away from them but rather believing in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.

Raise both your hands if you’ve experienced that from someone younger than you.

My hands are raised.

I am, on the best of days, probably a lazy feminist. It has taken me a long time to reckon with the idea that the idea of equality, and not pressuring any gender into socialized expectations, is apparently radical. I just didn’t fully understand that I had to be out proselytizing the good word about feminism. That’s where my privilege shows.

Ms. Adichie, in her 50 page book-let, lays out for her audience (and it is a rather specific one, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t extrapolate out to a larger one) what this crazy feminism thing is, and how it’s for everyone. It’s both as simple and as beautiful as that. The patriarchy harms everyone, and feminism aims to heal through equality of options and choice.

Following the election results here in the United States I have realized that I need to be better educated about the causes I believe in, and willing to put some skin into the game. In that goal, there will be a lot more books in my CBR9 reviews about issues of social justice and feminism. Ms. Adichie’s book is a great place to start in order to give your brain some food. The Read Harder Challenge task I used this book to complete is “read a book aloud to someone” so I now have a recording of it in my own voice, to go along with her TEDxEuston talk.

This book was read and reviewed as part of the charitable Cannonball Read. Registration for Cannonball Read 9 is open through January 13, 2017. You can sign up to read and review 13, 26, or 52 books for the year. Think of it as a personal challenge with the philanthropic side effect of saying “Fuck Cancer!”

All the Single Ladies (CBR8 #77)

Cannonball Read is the best for getting good books in front of your eyeballs.

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I read expandingbookshelf’s review of All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation this summer and added the book to my to read list on Goodreads. Then I read Lollygagger’s review early this fall and I put in my library hold. I hope some of you will do the same.

I am a single lady in my 30s. I have never been married. I am one of many data points that make up a new demographic in American society. For the first time since data has been kept on the subject (and possibly EVER), single women outnumber their married counterparts. A cursory view of my friend group supports this. In fact, my friend group supports most of the points that author Rebecca Traister makes throughout All the Single Ladies. We are educated, often career minded, and for a variety of reasons not with partners, except the quarter of us who are. We come from a variety of ethnic and socioeconomic backgrounds. Some of us want kids, some of us do not, some of us want partners, some of us do not.

From Goodreads: Today, only twenty percent of Americans are wed by age twenty-nine, compared to nearly sixty percent in 1960. The Population Reference Bureau calls it a “dramatic reversal.” All the Single Ladies is a remarkable portrait of contemporary American life and how we got here, through the lens of the single American woman. Covering class, race, sexual orientation, and filled with vivid anecdotes from fascinating contemporary and historical figures.

Rebecca Traister does a really interesting job of speaking to a variety of viewpoints in this book through ten chapters that explore different facets of being an unmarried woman in the U.S. My favorite sections were probably where Traister explores the role of single women throughout modern history – but that’s because I’m a history nerd. But the stories of women who didn’t marry, or married late so that they could be activists, leaders, and artists really interested me.

Moving into the contemporary era, Traister also interviewed 100 women of various education, ethnic, and socioeconomic backgrounds to provide anecdotal evidence to go along with the studies she references as she examine the reasons for the increasing number of single women, as well as how the trend affects not just women – economically, socially, psychologically – but also men and society as a whole. It’s fascinating, well-researched, and broad. And that may be where the second half of the book suffers, just a bit.

But, there is one very important reason that I rounded this book back up to a 4 and not down to a three: Traister gets intersectional feminism and discusses the ways that different stimuli in different groups are creating the same overall effect. Is it perfect? No. Traister covers a variety of different viewpoints, but not always thoroughly. Specifically, those that would consider themselves Conservatives.

This book is a good introductory tome, but it is a bit overstuffed and a slow read. I took a break while reading The Count of Monte Cristo, but this was still at times a well-written slog.

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How to Be a Woman (CBR8 #30)

I have a feeling my review of Moran’s How to Be a Woman is going to be more a discussion about these types of Feminism 101 books and the backlash they can sometimes bring. Here’s my disclaimer… we all have to start somewhere. And memoirs are inherently going to be the story of a person. This book is that, one woman’s account of how she came to deal with becoming and being a woman in the world she inhabits, today. She writes it honestly, humorously, and with a great deal of heart. I enjoyed it, but I wasn’t expecting a masterwork of the next wave of feminism. I was expecting someone to tell me her story, and she did.

“At some point – scarred and exhausted – you either accept that you must become a woman – that you are a woman – or you die. This is the brutal, root truth of adolescence – that it is often a long, painful campaign of attrition.” (10)

So I’m pleased with the book. But, there’s always more to the story. Out there on the interwebs (which I define as anyplace outside of the safety net of CBR and CBR adjacent places) there has been a lot of backlash about this book. And a lot of one star ratings. I can see most of the complaints, but I can’t make myself downgrade my rating of this book.

I feel like this is also a place to mention that the title of this book is not How to Be a Feminist. While Moran’s feminism is front and center to her writing here, the book is not intended to be prescriptive. For every time Moran lays out a “we should do THIS” statement, she’s backtracking and coming at it from another angle just a few pages down the line. Also, it’s an important note that this is a populist feminism she is writing about that concerns itself with the everyday shit women have to endure. She’s not saying that bigger issues like pay inequity and abortion are unimportant, but rather that women need to decide how they feel about the things they encounter in their own lives and run it through a lens of “are the boys being made to put up with this shit?”.

It should also be noted that this book is now five years old. We have had a lot of movement forward in the past five years, but sometimes it feels like we’re still just uncovering the bits that still need to be sorted. Intersectionality? Oh yes, we can and should be doing better. Transgender rights? Well, what’s going on in certain states around the U.S. is definitely a sign of alarm, and we’ll have to continue reckoning with that civil rights issue as we have with the ones which came before. Just getting everyone to agree on the terminology we’re using? Still a battle, every day. (As a friendly reminder, if you believe in equal pay for equal work and an equal choice in what work you take on – you’re a feminist.)

In summary, if you like memoirs and those books which might be classified as Feminism 101, then this book might absolutely be for you. Otherwise, I’m sure you’ll find something which suits you better.

This book was read and reviewed as part of the charitable Cannonball Read. 

 

Trade Me (CBR7 #74)

When I reviewed Anna and the French Kiss I mentioned that while I would consider that book New Adult, I still had a tough time being invested in the romantic life of high school seniors. College, fine, that works for me. So when I reviewed the Contemporary/New Adult The Year We Fell Down I had no trouble with the age of the characters or believing their life in college. Which is what I kept thinking about when I settled on a rating of three stars for Courtney Milan’s Trade Me – I just didn’t ever truly buy into their set up, and it kept me from truly enjoying the book.

Let’s start with what works (spoilers):

  • In a move that I appreciate from authors in the New Adult genre, our leading lady Tina is neither completely inexperienced or a prude. Tina has hang-ups about being intimate with Blake, but they are not about the physical, they are about the emotional. This I can relate to.
  • Like all Milan books this work highlights social issues with a deft hand, weaving them into the fabric of the story. Blake with his bajillionty (I’m going with my made up word) dollars is removed from ‘the real world’ but doesn’t want to be. Tina’s family is refugees from China, and the subplot with her mom and working with their friends and community on the immigration process was powerful stuff.
  • Our dashing hero does not fall into hero tropes, and is instead believable and with issues of his own that go beyond just his daddy/inheritance issues. Here Milan swims into deep water by having the male protagonist be dealing with an eating disorder based on control. In her author’s note (which I am an avowed fan of) Milan talks through how she came to write this plot and what she based it on. Important work as well.
  • Feminism.
  • No insta-love, no whiny angst.
  • The parent relationships. Seriously, I want a whole novella of just Blake and Mr. Chen hanging out on the couch. The banter between Tina and Adam is pretty great too.
  • I am thrilled that she is going to be the lead in the next book in the series and that Milan is going to be tackling issues of gender indentity and the transgender community. Let’s. Do. This.

So if so much was good, what didn’t float my boat?

  • Tina and Blake’s connection and chemistry suffered a case of tell not show. Milan has these characters TELL us how they feel, but they don’t show it that well.
  • Even though it was handled about as well as can be expected Blake’s bajillionty dollar life trade with Tina just never felt plausible or believable.
  • We got stuck in a feedback loop of “this is never going to work” by each character. Too long, the middle of the book dragged.
  • For a character super concerned with being able to keep up with her studies WE NEVER SEE TINA IN CLASS OR DOING SCHOOLWORK FOR THE FINAL TWO THIRDS OF THE NOVEL.
  • While I am accustomed to Milan’s style of writing good but not abundant smexy times, this book felt like a desert.
  • I need more explanation about Blake’s parentage, and that better be coming in later books. I thought for sure we were headed to a plot point where Blake finds out that his dad is actually gay, and that’s why he’s so broken up about the death of his partner is why he is being such a demanding mess and not noticing Blake’s issues. But, apparently, no.

Also, and I may be the only one who feels this way, the last 15% of the book when things went all kinds of crazy off the rails really worked for me. This all leaves me rating this book three stars, slightly better than Talk Sweetly to Me, but not much. I remain excited about Hold Me, which will be out later this year and will be working my way through the Worth Saga soon-ish.

This book was read and reviewed as part of the charitable Cannonball Read. 

The Duchess War (CBR6 #37)

I’m writing this review without actually finishing the book. I know, it’s unorthodox, but stick with me here. Thanks to the lovely reviews of Courtney Milan’s Brothers Sinister series I have decided to make these books my summer/fall romance reads. Based solely on the reviews I purchased all of the available books and novellas for my Nook and have been sliding these books in amongst my other reading. The Duchess War is the first full novel, second story, in the series and I am in love with it.

There’s a lot to love about these books. Courtney Milan’s style is infectious, her word choice is crisp, her grasp of humor, and how to deploy it, are top notch. Then there are the characters. I love a well written, complex, but not unknowable character. I love them. I think it’s why time and again I am drawn back into the land of Romance novels. The stories are often dictated by known tropes, but the really good ones have some of the richest characterizations you’ll find in fewer than 300 pages. And then there’s the lovely times where your expectations of tropes are turned on their head and you have what makes a truly wonderful story.

In the case of The Duchess War the trope that is turned upside down is that our male lead, Robert, portrays many of the uncertainties one would expect from the female lead. Not that Minnie doesn’t have her own tale of woe, she does. She’s had to change her name to escape a disastrous past that is beyond the simple ‘ruined woman’ trope. But it’s Robert who is afraid of love, afraid of wanting it, and afraid of having it taken away.  And that primal fear in him, placed there by battling parents who treated him like a chess piece and not a son, is what truly moves the course of the novel, not the will they or won’t they, and certainly not the question of whether Minnie’s true identity will be revealed, and if it is, how much of her life will be ruined.

And let’s not forget to mention that it’s steamy, wonderfully steamy without being time period inappropriate. And we have not one but two historical protagonists masturbating in the same book. I may be reading the wrong things, but I have never come across that before, and I was pleasantly surprised by it. And when our leads get together, that ain’t bad either. Through that in with socially aware protagonists worried about people’s rights and some lovely supporting characters who are going to be a hoot along the way (looking at you, Sebastian) and this is a thoroughly well rounded novel.

I promise not to post this review until I have actually read those last chapters. But, I can happily recommend this book to you without knowing how we get to the ending, or what the ending looks like. This book is that well written.

This book was read and reviewed as part of the charitable Cannonball Read.

Bossypants (CBR4 #31)

I’m having a little trouble with this one. But I think I’ve figured out why. I enjoyed Bossypants , it was a fun quick read but I didn’t have many of the laugh-out loud-moments that other readers experienced while reading Tina Fey’s book. Here’s the best reason I can come up with – it just didn’t sound like her to me and that was part of the reason I was not able to fully invest in the experience.

I should admit at this point that while I like Tina Fey a lot, I don’t watch 30 Rock. This may also be part of the problem.  

There are some chapters in this book to which I would pledge my undying loyalty. These are the chapters in which her comic timing and dead-pan delivery are at their best and she’s telling us something True. Yes, that capitalization was intentional. Here’s why: In several places in the book Tina tackles some universal truths about growing up and being a Gen X or Gen Y woman. Shows us how it went for her. These are the chapters I love, including All Girls Must Be Everything, Young Men’s Christian Association, Remembrances of Being Very Very Skinny, Remembrances of Being a Little Bit Fat. These chapters are all in or near the beginning of the book, generally when Fey is discussing the pre- or early SNL days.

I had trouble with the second half of the book. I think some of that is the aforementioned lack of 30 Rock watching but also the experience of being married with a kid. I am neither of those last two things, and while I do understand and have experienced the guilt that comes from a job which requires strange hours and can, at times, keep you from family and friends ; Fey’s chapters in regards to that phenomena didn’t strike a chord with me. What did strike a chord with me was when she describes knowing that an ally had arrived at work when Amy Poehler announced to Jimmy Fallon that she didn’t really care if he thought her jokes were appropriate. I have felt similar, although I don’t work with or even near comedians, when female coworkers walk in and assert themselves as a professional and demand to be treated on an equal playing field with men who will instinctively try to place them in safe boxes.

So, what am I saying here? I’m telling you I enjoyed the book, even though there were places where Fey inserted scripts/jokes from SNL and 30 Rock and that felt lazy of the writer. There’s no need to publish a 270 page book if you have to include lesser material or material that is available elsewhere. If, instead, Fey had inserted marked-up scripts that showed the editing and revising process and discussed that process I wouldn’t be complaining at all. Would I recommend this book? Yes, but would probably only to someone who is quite the Fey fan.